MARRIAGE some tips !

Thinking about getting married ? 'Tying the knot' as they used to say.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favour from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22
or as the Message version puts it
Find a good spouse, you find a good life — and even more, the favour of God !

So, what are some tips on finding a good spouse, and for embarking into marriage ?

The Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Genesis 2:18
In my old KJV it said a help-mate not a bed-mate - big difference, get it ?

We are all human, and the eye appeals – well endorsed by modern advertising, TV and Hollywood in this fallen worlds media system.
So, first that which is natural, afterward that which is spiritual 1 Corinthians 15:46
can apply here also - Wow
The best person for us may not be that one who has physical appeal, we may have to look further ! We all tend to initially judge by the eye, not so much by the heart, and those inward and hidden qualities that are so important.

To refute one increasingly common attitude .
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SOUL MATE - its just romantic fiction !
There's no one person who is 'our missing half' – this is just an idea from Plato and theosophy, not from God.

But there is one comment heard .
MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN, BEFORE THEY ARE MADE ON EARTH
and God plays a vital part ! The essential element in any relationship is the spiritual.
Having the same faith and belief system is so vital in a successful long lasting marriage. Without it, there's a chasm that seems to defy bridging, and inevitably causes a split. To marry someone who has a different faith is what scripture calls the 'unequal yoke' 2 Corinthians 6:14 and conveys the picture of an ox and an ass yoked together pulling a cart or plough – doesn't work at all - they end up pulling in different directions.

To my observations, and in my personal opinion, it is better to remain single than to marry the wrong person. And yet, God will lead us to that right person, and them to us, in a unique manner, if we but ASK, SEEK, KNOCK, and keep our eyes and heart open.

Where there are cultural differences etc, these with love, can be worked through given time and desire, but differences of faith and belief are huge and we are advised to avoid such – so keep looking for someone else of a similar faith.

Engagements my personal tip is that they be as short as practical, once a person is sure that they are 'right for each other' Long engagements can bring their own temptations and difficulties.

However, please don't marry a stranger ! Get to know the other person well.
LOVE IS BLIND, MARRIAGE IS AN EYE-OPENER is the old saying.
Romantic dates are NOT enough to get acquainted with another person before marriage.
Each person should see the other person at least once

first thing in the morning. without the make-up on
within their own family circle - at their work – at play, or at sport

and check out the state of the others accommodation and their bathroom, unless you want to be shocked later on !

To observe how they fit in with various situations and how they react under pressure, their spontaneous reaction will tell you heaps about them and their true character – very important - and perhaps their mood swings !

Above all – meet their family – especially if they are from another country or culture Like it or not you are marrying their relations as well, so be aware of them, and learn having to relate with them.
IN- LAWS SHOULD NOT BECOME OUT-LAWS later on
And perhaps take another look at the parents of your intended spouse if you want a glimpse of the future !

It may not be always appreciated, but the single life is a selfish life. Single people can become set in their ways, and make decisions solely from their own point of view.
Getting married means making big adjustments in every sphere of life – and learning to consider the desires, wishes and habits of the other person.
The ability to ADAPT and NEGOTIATE is paramount.
Darwin - the survival of a species depends principally on the ability to ADAPT. Kindness, consideration, tolerance, the ability to bend, and to forgive will be frequently called upon, especially in the early years of marriage.

As the years pass by in married life, FRIENDSHIP with the other becomes more and more important. Your spouse should become YOUR BEST FRIEND and confidant.

Billy Graham once said there are six words that will save ANY marriage
I WAS WRONG I AM SORRY how true !

Marriage is an institution created by God, who personally performed the first wedding. 2 people unite and join become ONE Genesis 2:4 1 Corinthians 6:16
You become a team. It often amazes me to observe a long married couple, and how they can virtually read each others minds, and even start to resemble each other.

Under God His desire is that marriage is forever.
Till Death us do Part is a traditional vow
But alas, some only see as far as the wedding day, and the Honeymoon, and aren't at all prepared for long term commitment.

A worthy tip is THOSE WHO PRAY TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER
For marriage is not just a pairing but a TRIANGLE
God, Faith, Unity of spirit are the glue that helps hold it all together

And one last tip .. LEAVE AND CLEAVE Genesis 2:24 Matthew 19:5
LEAVE your own family and relatives geographically, not emotionally, and
CLEAVE to your spouse.
Many marriages are adversely affected by the uncalled for and the unwise interference of often well meaning and well intentioned IN LAWS.
A good idea is to start off anew in a couples own accommodation – this is OUR place.
It is a practical and symbolic sign that we have left the old and started a new relationship – we have both ADAPTED – given up the selfish single life, and gained the other and far more.

Lastly . DONT NAG the other, you married them as they were and are, and only God is in the changing business, only He can perform real change in anyone.
Just change yourself, and leave the changing of your spouse to God.

So, if you have found the right person to share your days with .
ENJOY the shared journey its wonderful Ecclesiastes 9:9

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.
If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4 : 9-12 God needs to be the 3rd braid